Imagine the setting: Christmas decorations were hanging; the tree was twinkling away adorned with a shiny new bauble that read “will you marry me?”; Christmas tunes were playing away merrily in the background and my new fiancé had (just about) come to terms with what had just happened.
“Can I call my Parents?”
It didn’t take long for her to want to share the news. Like no time at all. I’d never seen her so happy, or so amped up! She darted towards her phone and began to video call her mum whilst leaping towards the bedroom (and I assume better lighting to show off her new bobby-dazzler). The next 5 minutes or so were a flood of “I’m so happy for you” and “isn’t it gorgeous” interspersed between questions of how did I do it and when are we getting married.
A phone call to her dad who was walking the dogs (and not part of the video onslaught) and the parents were up to date with all the latest news, and now her dad could be relieved he didn’t have to remain quiet.
Another video call to her sister, no answer. No matter, with the phone still in hand and without skipping a beat she video called her best friend. Answering the video call with a “hi” whilst holding engagement hand and ring to her face, waiting for her friend to notice (which took no time at all). Another brief but hyper conversation she video called her sister again. This time she answered. “Hi” (hand and ring in shot again, like a pro). “OH. MY. GOD!” screamed the phone. Her sister recognised the news instantly.
That was all the people she wanted to immediately tell told.
I was less ‘frantic’ in my approach. I stole a selfie she had taken on her phone to text my mum. In fairness to me she had been given a heads up of what was going on the weekend before – that’s my justification. I followed that up with a What’s App to my sisters (group message obviously!) and that was immediate messages taken care of. The following day I began telling friends, again group chat based.
Onto The Planning
So, family and friends were informed and the grapevine was doing its business of telling others and focus dramatically, and quickly shifted to planning. I can barely remember actual Christmas because our time was just awash with Google Planning our wedding.
Also, with my fiancés sister’s wedding happening in the next 5 months it gave her an excellent opportunity to engage in wedding dress shopping!
I won’t lie. It all got a bit much for me. We had worked out fairly early on a rough budget and because my partner had been on the fringes of the organisation required for her sister’s wedding was able to put together what seems to be some accurate numbers. We then worked out how long it would take us to save that amount of money and had a rough idea of when we would be looking to get married. It was ages away. 22 months away to be fairly accurate.
In my head I thought we had all the time in the world to plan and organise and my general laid-back style to life was happy with timescales and not having to take things to seriously for a while. My new fiancé saw things differently.
Venue, wedding dresses, menus, invitations, flowers it was all being researched and costs taken. It was being attacked in a severe scattergun approach, no aim, no objective (other than the main one) and no focus.
There was no reasonable way we could continue in that fashion and remain sane, let alone achieve anything meaningful. Something had to be done. Brakes had to be pressed.
So, not long before the festive week I had to pull back on the reigns of our wedding sleigh. I had to convince my partner that we needed to properly plan out a plan of attack. Yes, people, I made us make a plan for a plan.
The conversation went a lot better than expected. She understood the point I was making and recognised I was doing it for our benefit and not because I didn’t want to get married. Whilst I was impressed in her reaction, I was more impressed in my ability to express myself clearly enough that it didn’t piss her off (not my forte I must admit).
We agreed not to plan our wedding in anger until May after her sister was married. We purchased a wedding planning book from Amazon, which schedules when you need to organise things and we could use that to plan our plan.
As a side note: upon reflection, I see that we have completely forgotten not to plan I anger until May because we have:
- Picked and paid a deposit on her wedding dress
- Picked and confirmed our venue
- Set a wedding date and time
- And organised the registrar
All before the end of January!