Weight of Expectations

I haven’t written anything in what seems like an age, and this is the second time I’m saying this in as many posts so I probably need a kick up the backside or something.

Weight Watchers has been a bit meh recently. I felt like saying it’s not their fault it’s mine but this isn’t quite strictly true.

I really want to stay for meetings to try and maximise the support I can get and maximise my chances of success. However, I really hate sitting in on what feels like a mothers meeting wasting a perfectly good Tuesday evening. That’s really the only downside to Weight Watchers, the rest is all on me.

I started off being strict but with having social events that created a bad day during the week and I lost well.  I then became complacent with what I was eating (still pointing) and didn’t do that well and now I’m just trying to get myself back to being strict again.

As a result, recent weigh-ins have been hit and miss – some weeks I lose, some weeks I put on and I’ve also stayed the same. Needless to say when I put on I put on like a pound and a half and when I lose I only lose a pound!

It’s fair to say I’m not enjoying it as I was right at the beginning. This isn’t Weight Watchers fault. I’m not even sure if it’s really my fault. I just think I have other things going on in my life where Weight Watchers is a bit of a “fuck it” type activity.

Due to ongoing medical ailments and a cancer scare the last thing I seem to care about is losing weight or at least sticking to plan. It feels as though with everything else going on around me there’s a thick fog in my head and in all honesty all I feel like doing is eating crap to try and put a smile on my face.

Obviously, this won’t actually be the case. I’ll pay for any over indulgent on the scales, which will probably add to the fog; any short term elation from stuffing my face will be swiftly followed up by feelings of self-loathing.

I suppose, just for the time being I am probably struggling to juggle it all within myself. I am so unbelievably fortunate that I have someone in my life that supports me day to day with both my unreliable body and keeping me on track with Weight Watchers.  Without that support I would have probably given up through sheer laziness.

I guess my personal goal and journey that has to take place for me has to be to try and clear that fog and refocus my energies towards weight loss, especially as there isn’t that long left until Christmas party season!

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