I haven’t written anything in what feels to be a very long while. Apologies for that. There is a mixture of reasons for this. Firstly, I feel as though I’ve neglected my Blues posts, I really must do another one, but I simply haven’t felt inspired enough to write anything meaningful. I’m currently in a state of ‘meh’ regarding Blues. We’re not playing badly, we’re not winning, I’m not fussed about that so I haven’t written anything. Which in turns makes me feel like a shocking supporter.
This will eventually be another weight watchers post, because of a recent weigh-in that left me feeling rather shitty about myself.
I think that also is another factor in me not writing anything. My general mood has been a lot more ‘can’t be fucked’ since that weigh-in. I know this because I recently attended the first MK Lightning home game of the season, their first in the Elite League where they smashed the Belfast Giants 6-3 in a barnstorming game, but all I could think to comment on were the half empty seats.
I’m hoping this post acts more like a slap round the face to get my head back in the game (of life) rather than sitting on the side lines with a face like thunder.
So, this weigh-in.
I’d had a fantastic week leading up to it. Tracked every morsel in the Weight Watchers app, I’d stuck to my daily points allowance and only used 1 weekly point. I had a clear run of blue dots for the week! (and as any member of Weight Watchers will tell you, a blue dot week is a great week). I had even managed to clock up the most amount of Fit Points yet, not through rigorous exercise, just through being active over the week and over the weekend with the visit of my sister and two nephews.
My girlfriend and I had meticulously planned that weekend with the visit of my sister to make sure we remained in control of what we were eating, could easily point what we ate, stayed on point with our food and yet feed everyone happily with tasty meals.
It was a true masterpiece of planning and preparation. It helped. It even allowed me room to mop up some of the leftovers and remain happy knowing I wasn’t exceeding points.
Most importantly though, that week where I had done so well involved no food that could be considered junk. No fast food, no ‘yellow food’ to make up points, all nutritious and balanced meals with healthy and point friendly ‘snacks’.
So, Tuesday evening I rock up to the pavilion for weigh in feeling pretty smug and with a swagger knowing I’d had a good week. I felt great, I believed that I was setting the Weight Watchers world alight with my weight loss. These feelings were even more boosted by the fact that the previous weigh in of -4lbs saw me reach the stone mark and I’d had an extremely alcoholic Sunday over the bank holiday weekend.
So I turned up believing I was on for a good week and another personal milestone – my 5% marker. Oh how wrong I was.
I step onto the scales, look down and saw the weight I initially (for the briefest of seconds) had a case of denial. In then dawned on me that the scales were indicating I had put on 1lb.
My heart sank like a stone. All the good feeling that had built up over the week since receiving my 1 stone certificate and fridge magnet had been undone. I felt so bad I wanted to take two actions: firstly, I wanted to tear up my certificate and chuck the fridge magnet as I didn’t deserve them. I then wanted to go on a huge eating binge.
I wanted to tour Milton Keynes, picking up Pizza, Curry, Chinese, Burgers and scoff the lot.
I didn’t hang around for the meeting, and maybe I should have. I should have stuck around and spoken of my feelings of disappointment and why I was unhappy with the result. Maybe that could have garnered coping strategies that I could have implemented during that week to help keep me more on track. But I didn’t, I ran away.
I had gone from feeling elated and proud of myself to absolutely hating myself and finding myself disgusting.
Upon reflection I realise that is stupid for so many reasons, but mostly these:
- I’m not disgusting, I have a girlfriend who loves me dearly and who is extremely supportive
- Binge eating to that scale is almost impossible, so why try it
- But mostly, it’s just a fucking pound, get over it
The final point is really the crucks of it. In the grand scheme of things and where I have come from a solitary pound is not the end of the world. The trick, although missed this time, is to not let it get you down.
I didn’t have that attitude the week after that weigh in. I really didn’t care what I ate. I pointed (mostly) everything I ate, but what made up those points was very different from before. I ate a lot of crap that week, but still pointed it so it kind of worked in my allowances. I also used up nearly all my weekly points as well. Considering the bulk was used on food, I had eaten quite a bit that week.
As I approached the subsequent weigh in I was dreading it. truth be told I didn’t want to go, I wanted to skip that meeting, give myself an additional week to try and right those wrongs and get back to it. but I didn’t. I went. I weighed. I lost half a pound – please note Weight Watchers folk the refusal to use the word “just” in that weigh in result. I’m happy I lost weight this week, that’s great. Especially after the week I’d had. But I also felt disappointed in myself. If I had behaved a little more, hadn’t taken the result so badly and had been able to keep the plan and my life in perspective I could have lost more.
But I’m not going to dwell on the fact I could have done better. I just want to try and make sure this next week goes to plan and that is reflected in the scales.